squeakyone

Its been a while since I have done a journal. So much is going on in my life. I dont even know where to start.
My brother is  a fucking ass hole. He will never change. He needs to get a job for crying out loud. He is over 40 still living with mom. Get a life . Leave mom alone, is all I can say.
I love my mom. she is my life. she has always been there for me. and I can surely say my father has not.
karma is a bitch as the saying goes and one day I will be giving james mcdonald hell for making my life miserable during grade school and part of high school.
kevin still isnt working. thank god for jessy who helps out with bills, or we would be screwed.
cushings is still around my weight is getting higher due to thyroid. there are days I dont want to get out of bed. im so tired all the TIME. in pain most days. pain free days are few and far between. fml.
and that is how I am ending this rant. just  tired of EVERYTHING.

This has been one trying month. Spent last week in the hospital just got home Friday. I have been coughing alot. And I hurt my ribs by doing so, and was having chest pains, so I go to urgent  care, and they admit me to the hospital because of discripencies due to ekg.  So it turns out my heart is fine, but I have the beginnings of asthma. which i am not surprised dr chouba told me I could develop it due to the cushings.

I am dealing with alot.  I am losing weight even my dr noticed. it isnt good the way its comng off, Im not eating. and not by no fault of my own.  Cushings, you eat or you dont. I look at food and its like um no not today. I try and I dont eat.  Then I get week and all I do is sleep. So when I see Dr choubah next week she needs to do something on that.  

So many life's changes in me going on.  Cushings is dangerous and I can lose my life over it. which really scares me.  My system can shut down, my kidneys can start to go where I would have to be on dyalisis, just so much to take in. But with the  love of my family and friends, I have slowly been dealing with the issues at hand.

I have good dr's and that helps me alot.  Sighs.  I feel like saying.... WHAT NEXT????!!!
But I dont, and just roll with the punches as they come along.

It has been a great weekend one I will not forget in a long time.  Well, its been a weekend of forgivness.  People that hurt me in the past I forgave them, and its time to move forward.  Belive me that was extremly hard for me to do.  But I did it, and I feel like alot has been lifted off my shoulders.  I feel at peace. And its been a very long time since I have felt that way.,

Well this morning I get a surprise from fb.  I had people report Me because I wanted to add them as a friend. I knen them from grade school.  If anyone should be holding a grudge, it should be me NOT THEM. I came home crying EVERYDAY from 1-7 because of mean horrible bullying.  People from st mels are mean rich kids.  who have to make  fun of people.  well that person was me. You dont forget shit like that. I am now 51, and I remember EVERYTHING THEY DID TO ME.   You dont forget.  well everyone who made fun of me and made my life a living hell? can go to hell.  because that is where you belong.

well, today I had found tons of people from my past grades 1-7 who made my life a living hell. talk about bullying. I came home crying every day from school to the point in 7th grade, they asked my mom to take me out of st mels.  so if that gives you any indication on how I feel.  I am 51. You dont forget shit like that.  So, with that  being said, the people I added, a couple of them if they bother to answer me, will get a piece of my mind and temper.  I doubt they will but we will see.  If they do? karma is a bitch.